IPHC Ministers' Wives Fellowship

“Pardon Me; Do You Speak My Love Language?”

by
Stephanie Gardner

Have you ever wondered why it drives you crazy that your kids never pick up their room or tell you they appreciate all that you do?

Do you wonder why you want to resign as Pastor’s wife when no one helps you do anything around the church, they don’t tell you they appreciate you and they certainly don’t make the effort to schedule a time for coffee and to chat after all you do for the “ministry?”

It could be that they do not speak your language, your “love language,” that is.

According to Dr. Gary Chapman, in “The Five Love Languages,” they are:

1.      Words of Affirmation
2.      Quality Time
3.      Receiving Gifts
4.      Acts of Service
5.      Physical Touch

When your spouse comes home and tells you he washed your car and you really wanted him to come in and hug you, you are speaking opposite languages. His own language may be Acts of Service and so that is what he offers you. Your language is Physical Touch so that is what you expect to be given. You have to communicate with each other to find out what each other’s language is. My youngest daughter’s love language is Quality Time. She just wants to be with you, around you, talking to you and hanging out. Most girls’ love language is quality time because they are verbal creatures. It also keeps a woman’s emotional tank full and will lead to success in all other areas of the relationship for the spouse to know her language of love.

Speaking of children, there is also a book just about their needs called, “The Five Love Languages of Children.”

It will help you realize why one child only wants to know what gifts you brought them from your recent trip and the other just wants to jump in your lap and be held.

Most of the time, you notice a teenager’s love language is Receiving Gifts. They love to get a new pair of jeans, the latest cell phone, etc. We have to help them mature beyond the point of just the Receiving Gifts love language because they may come to only think love is expressed in those terms and as pastors and pastor’s families, our material wealth is sometimes not as abundant as our Quality Time, Acts of Service, Words of Affirmation and Physical Touch and we need to teach this to our children.

Have you ever noticed in a time of crisis, you see people hugging each other without saying a word? It is because Physical Touch is one of the strongest communicators of love that we possess. Be mindful that “a touch is worth a thousand words.”

Most happily married couples and families know what love language their family speaks and all speak to that member in their language.

If you’d like to read more on this subject, you may want to check out these books by Dr. Gary Chapman:

The Five Love Languages

The Five Languages of Apology

The Love Languages of God

The Five Love Languages of Teenagers

The Five Love Languages of Singles

The Five Love Languages of Children

By: Dr. Gary Chapman. Ph.D

And Ross Campbell, M.D.


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		“Pardon Me; Do You Speak My Love Language?” by Stephanie Gardner Have you ever wondered why it drives you crazy that your kids never pick up their room or tell you they appreciate all that you do? Do you wonder why you want to resign as Pastor’s wife when no one helps you do anything around the church, they don’t tell you they appreciate you and they certainly don’t make the effort to schedule a time for coffee and to chat after all you do for the “ministry?” It could be that they do not speak your language, your “love language,” that is. According to Dr. Gary Chapman, in “The Five Love Languages,” they are: 1. Words of Affirmation 2. Quality Time 3. Receiving Gifts 4. Acts of Service 5. Physical Touch When your spouse comes home and tells you he washed your car and you really wanted him to come in and hug you, you are speaking opposite languages. His own language may be Acts of Service and so that is what he offers you. Your language is Physical Touch so that is what you expect to be given. You have to communicate with each other to find out what each other’s language is. My youngest daughter’s love language is Quality Time. She just wants to be with you, around you, talking to you and hanging out. Most girls’ love language is quality time because they are verbal creatures. It also keeps a woman’s emotional tank full and will lead to success in all other areas of the relationship for the spouse to know her language of love. Speaking of children, there is also a book just about their needs called, “The Five Love Languages of Children.” It will help you realize why one child only wants to know what gifts you brought them from your recent trip and the other just wants to jump in your lap and be held. Most of the time, you notice a teenager’s love language is Receiving Gifts. They love to get a new pair of jeans, the latest cell phone, etc. We have to help them mature beyond the point of just the Receiving Gifts love language because they may come to only think love is expressed in those terms and as pastors and pastor’s families, our material wealth is sometimes not as abundant as our Quality Time, Acts of Service, Words of Affirmation and Physical Touch and we need to teach this to our children. Have you ever noticed in a time of crisis, you see people hugging each other without saying a word? It is because Physical Touch is one of the strongest communicators of love that we possess. Be mindful that “a touch is worth a thousand words.” Most happily married couples and families know what love language their family speaks and all speak to that member in their language. If you’d like to read more on this subject, you may want to check out these books by Dr. Gary Chapman: The Five Love Languages The Five Languages of Apology The Love Languages of God The Five Love Languages of Teenagers The Five Love Languages of Singles The Five Love Languages of Children By: Dr. Gary Chapman. Ph.D And Ross Campbell, M.D.

		Last update on 6/2/2008 ©IPHC Ministries. All rights reserved